Book Teaser: Life Goes On

fullsizerender-67

A nice reminder from The Village Magazine as I prepare to release my book in ten short days. Yesterday for the first time, I felt panic about this story of mine. What will people think? Was I too harsh? Too blunt? Will women even be encouraged? And the thoughts circled round. Reading this reminded me not to be afraid of failure. I am proud to release my book. It’s my story to tell and regardless of how people respond, I took the chance and did my thing. That’s enough for me.

Well, here you have it. The very last book teaser…

15. Life Goes On

“‘For a seed to achieve its greatest expression, it must come completely undone. The shell cracks, its insides come out and everything changes. To someone who doesn’t understand growth, it would look like complete destruction.’–Cynthia Occelli

I adore that Cynthia Occelli describes growth as complete destruction. People who haven’t experienced core-shattering growth wouldn’t quite understand this illustration, but for me, it spoke to every part of my being. Complete destruction happened. It happened to my marriage, my family, my future, my trust, my mind, my judgment, you name it … destruction happened. With all growth (destruction) the rebuilding is an articulate, careful and beautiful process. The rebuilding trumps the damage. This is true for any situation. I don’t wish hardship upon anyone, but the growth that comes from it is so unique that in some twisted way, I think humanity should endure it. Maybe we’d all be a tad less self-obsessed? Okay, another day, another book.

Life post affair can take one of two turns. Your marriage can be saved and restored tenfold. Your family could continue to grow, and you could live the life the two of you had planned, looking at this as a minor (some days major) hiccup. Your story could be the picture of encouragement and hope to all couples who’ve encountered such trouble. You and your spouse can be stronger than ever with a bond only created by hardship.  I pray this is the turn your marriage took. My heart hopes that your marriage is saved, and you can write to me telling me your beaming success story of redemption.

Or one of you will give up, and your marriage won’t survive. You will start a whole new life apart from the old.

For me, one of the hardest parts about picking up and starting over is leaving behind the old version of you. Of course, you are still the same individual you were, just with a newfound badass strength, but there are things and roles about yourself you must abandon. I say abandon because it portrays the harshness that needs to happen. Attempting to play the old with the new is always trouble.

Starting my life over was refreshing, but surely had moments of grief. I knew 110% that I had given my marriage every fiber of my heart and soul, making moving forward in life #2 a peaceful experience. Over time the hard moments got less. Remember to let yourself experience the sad moments for what they are worth, though. A divorce is a sad and devastating process, even if you’re handling it like a champ. Call it for what it is. Allow yourself those sad times because a beautiful time will come where the joyful moments are more than the sad ones. It’s bliss, and it happens.

If you are not ready to read about a life #2 yet, then put this book away and pick it up when that route doesn’t bring you sadness. It took me awhile to stomach starting life all over. I want to share the beautiful hope of a rich life post-divorce, but if you’re not ready, and you’re still grieving, that must take priority. Fully mourning life #1 in all of its losses must happen before moving forward.

For those who are in the place to read about the joy possible for life #2, read on.  Life #2 meant a second chance that I didn’t always want. It meant full circle in a way I didn’t anticipate. It meant reinvention. Reinvention spanned from new digs to finding love once again to drinks with the other woman…”

Image by The Village Magazine

 

 

 

2 thoughts on “Book Teaser: Life Goes On

  1. Rebecca Reesor

    Lauren!!
    Thank you so much! My course has taken #2. My husband chose to leave me this past May. I had hoped so much for #1.
    I am finding that, yes, this is something to grieve. In fact, it’s a lot to grieve. Not having #1 become a reality for me, my marriage itself, my companion gone, my poor children living with divorced parents….it’s a lot and it’s hard.
    At one point, a couple of months ago, I told myself, “you’re not going to cry about this any more!” I soon found that was not helpful at all. I can’t deny the hurt and the pain. To get better, to truly heal, I need to let the pain happen. I need to cry, when I need to cry! And it’s okay, it’s necessary, it’s what will heal my heart!
    A lot of what you said, I could totally relate to! I so appreciate that! It’s comforting to know I’m not alone!
    Thanks again for your words! I’m excited for you book! Good luck!!
    Rebecca

    Like

    1. Lauren McKinley

      Hi Rebecca!
      You are not alone! Thank you for sharing your heart with me. I am sorry for all that you’ve been through. I promise you it will get easier! Please let me know if there’s anything I can help you with. ❤

      Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s