This chapter of the book is designed for those who share my same faith. I wanted to write a book that ALL victims of infidelity could relate to. I specifically chose not to publish in the “Christian self-help” genre, because I wanted my story to reach everyone, regardless of their beliefs. If you’ve followed me for awhile or know me personally, you know that my faith is a HUGE part of my life. With that, I couldn’t skip it all together in my story as it was God’s care for me that kept me afloat through all of the heartache. If this chapter doesn’t line up with your beliefs, that’s fine. The book is written so that you can skip this chapter and move on to the next, without feeling like you’re missing a chunk of the story. If you are a Jesus follower, do read on!
9. For the Jesus Folk
“‘Let us run with patience.’ Hebrews 12:1
…I hope this chapter doesn’t get skipped all too much as it was the glue that kept me functioning during this hellish season of my life. One of the most amazing parts of this experience was the closeness I felt to God. It was incredible, something I’d never encountered in all of my years as a Christ follower. You cannot fully experience God’s peace and comfort until you’ve experienced the pits of sorrow. The reassurance I felt from God’s word provided me with all the peace I needed.
Speaking of God’s word, let’s review how God feels about the other woman and cheating husbands!
‘And I find more bitter than death the woman whose heart is snares and nets, whose hands are fetters. He who pleases God shall escape from her, but the sinner shall be trapped by her.’ Ecclesiastes 7:26
‘But the man who commits adultery is a fool, for he destroys himself.’ Proverbs 6:32
I remember feeling so empowered after reading these verses. As in, THANK YOU GOD! Yes! You know what I mean! This is as awful as it feels!
During the time BD and I were separated, I prayed my heart out. I prayed 100% for the miracle of God restoring our marriage. I prayed nonstop. I would wake up in the middle of the night and before I even realized I was awake, I was already praying for him. I prayed for conviction in his heart. I prayed that he would desire a righteous life with our little family. I prayed for his girlfriend to get fat. I had the faith that God could do anything at any time (which He still can) and that we could have this incredible testimony as a married couple. I was convinced this was going to be the outcome of our story.
I saw how real the power of prayer was. I felt as if I was in a literal battle for his soul. There is an insane spiritual realm in our world. Satan is wanting your marriage and family to fail. God loves marriage and family SO much. Of course, Satan is attacking it like a serial killer.
We had many times where I saw my prayers coming alive in BD, but the battle is real. Every step he took toward our marriage, Satan’s lies pulled him one step away from it. You may think I’m exaggerating, but there would be days where we would have really great “normal” days together as a couple, feelings were fun and there, good times were being had. As soon as those days would end, BD would go to sleep and have nightmares of the homewrecker. He said, he felt as if there was a weight on his chest and it was suffocating him as he slept. God hears our prayers and honors our obedience, but free will and sin still exist. God does not make us obey and sin is very destructive. It is full of every evil in the world and it is on a mission to destroy anything good.
In The Screwtape Letters, C.S. Lewis does a phenomenal job of describing just how intricately Satan attacks humans.
‘Whatever their bodies do affects their souls. It is funny how mortals always picture us as putting things into their minds: in reality, our best work is done by keeping things out…’
‘Nothing is very strong: strong enough to steal away a man’s best years not in sweet sins but in a dreary flickering of the mind over it knows not what and knows not why, in the gratification of curiosities so feeble that the man is only half aware of them, in drumming of fingers and kicking of heels, in whistling tunes that he does not like, or in the long, dim labyrinth of reveries that have not even lust or ambition to give them a relish, but which, once chance association has started them, the creature is took weak and fuddled to shake off.’
‘It does not matter how small the sins are provided that their cumulative effect is to edge the man away from the Light and out into the Nothing. Murder is no better than cards if cards can do the trick. Indeed, the safest road to Hell is the gradual one–the gentle slope, soft underfoot, without sudden turnings, without milestones, without signposts.’
‘Never forget that when we are dealing with any pleasure in its healthy and normal and satisfying form, we are, in a sense, on the Enemy’s (God’s) ground…He [God] made the pleasure: all our research so far has not enabled us to produce one. All we can do is to encourage the humans to take the pleasures which our Enemy [God] has produced, at times, or in ways, or in degrees, which He [God] has forbidden. ‘
‘We must picture hell as a state where everyone is perpetually concerned about his own dignity and advancement, where everyone has a grievance, and where everyone lives with the deadly serious passions of envy, self-importance, and resentment.’
Even though my husband’s sin destroyed our marriage, God completely sustained me. He taught me that His timing is not mine. That all He really wanted was my complete trust in Him. That all I needed to do was, be still. He would fight for me! He brought me peace through so much devastation. I learned full well that regardless of what the outcome looks like, God will bring good for those who love and seek Him. He is enough and clinging to His truth will bring peace in even the most chaotic madness life brings. A deep reliance on God can heal even the most broken of hearts. I am living proof of this. The Lord refined my character like never before. THIS was worth all of the bullshit (can I use that word in the Jesus chapter?).”
Image by She Reads Truth