My book has been at the forefront of my mind lately as a release date has been put in place. It’s exciting and terrifying all at the same time. I have a lot more to do in order to complete it on time, but there have been many moments of inspiration lately that have once again confirmed this endeavor. If you haven’t read the teasers of chapters 1-5, you can catch them here. The teasers may seem choppy, but only because you’re getting bits and pieces of a full chapter. Everything you read actually happened. The events, conversations, reactions and so on are not exaggerated. Chapter 6 has been one of the biggest life lessons learned from this saga. Read on for a glimpse at that lesson.
6. JUDGE NOT
“If you judge people, you have no time to love them.” -Mother Theresa
“I would say I generally like myself. There’s not a whole lot I would change about who I am. However, the one thing that I could do without is what feels like the constant judgments that float around in my mind. I’ve always been more judgey than I’d like to admit. Some days it seems that before noon I’ve already judged your outfit, your boyfriend, your bedding, your parenting, and your choice of Instagram filter. If I’m not careful, my mind will be on the slippery slope toward Judgey McJudgerson. That being said, I do try to redirect my thoughts and not fixate on the tendencies that leave me judging everything in sight.
My perspective definitely shifted during my time of limbo. I was all of a sudden feeling judgment from total strangers. Yes, I brought my 1 year old daughter to happy hour and yes, she is crying and yes, I need this drink more than you and your fake boobs (insert the irony of me making a judgment about her latest enhancement).
I look like death at Target? Puffy eyes and pissed off scowl? Well, turn your dirty look the other way. My husband just left me, out of nowhere, and for no good reason. Back off!
Then, there’s the age old comparison/judgment among mothers. Your kid is speaking in full sentences at the age of one? Awesome. Mine is fed and alive. Considering my current circumstances, I’d call that even.
And last, but certainly not least, there was the acquaintance judgment. People who didn’t really know me and only knew half of our story. I could just read their thoughts by that look on their face … Oh your husband had an affair? Well, I bet you can’t even remember the last time the two of you had sex? Do you even own a piece of lingerie? I bet you never let him go out with friends, probably suffocate all aspirations he has and demean the hobbies that make him feel alive. YOU must try to micro-manage and control his every move. No wonder he did this. Do you blame him?
Disclaimer: Even if each component I listed above contributed to the crumbling of your marriage, it does not give reason for the selfish act of an affair.
For me, it was worse because I wasn’t the stereotype. Our sex life was plenty healthy. And I love lingerie. BD spent countless nights playing ping pong with his brother. He is a very talented man and I encouraged him daily to use that talent in every way he could. Hobbies? Oh he had em! From playing drums to making cheese! I stood by every side of him. The confusion lay all the more thick.
You don’t know what people are going through or what their story is. If they look like hell in Trader Joe’s, give em a smile or look the other way. No need for the concerned look of disgust. I am not going to beat a dead horse in this chapter. Just be careful of the look you give the lady with a baby in the bar. You don’t know what her life looks like behind the scenes.”