Women write in by the week who are victims of infidelity. More often than not they are on the verge of finalizing their divorce or starting life as a divorced twenty/thirty-something. However, some of my most prayed over followers are the ones who are still married and trying to rebuild after the trauma of an affair. I pray for you often and diligently. You are making the brave choice. The choice that some of us weren’t given. Not in any way am I saying it’s an easy choice though. Quite the opposite.
There’s no denying when you’re in this place the days are long, the conversations are awkward, and it feels like you’re living with a complete stranger. You cling to any shared moment of laughter or fond memory that comes about. I am not in any way dumbing down what you are living through. However, it’s not impossible to rebuild with two willing partners. God will honor your effort and obedience.
As I was perusing some favorite marriage blogs the other morning, I stumbled upon a handful of new ones I hadn’t heard of before. I guess I’ve been on the other end of the spectrum for a while now, meaning healing from divorce not fighting for my marriage. Glimpses of that period still feel fresh in my mind though. I still enjoy and of course, stand behind those blogs and writers who have a full ministry based around enriching marriages. One new blog I found was called, Beating The 50 Percent. One piece of advice they offered for couples was something called Navigator’s Council. This includes a series of questions to discuss with your spouse.
“Each week we ask each other a series of questions that we came to a consensus on during our honeymoon. Many of them are similar to the “marriage journal” questions that our premarital counselor’s urged us to use, but we added/subtracted/changed a few. These are the seven questions we ask each other and record our answers in our Navigator’s Council journal every Sunday.
- What brought you joy this week?
- What was something that was hard this week?
- What’s one specific thing I can do for you this week?
- How can I pray for you this week?
- Is there anything that’s gone unsaid, convictions, confessions, unresolved hurt?
- What’s a dream, desire or thought that’s been on the forefront of your mind this week?
- How are we stewarding our finances?
- How is our sex life?
Ask each other a question. We always end our time in prayer.”
These questions are easy to think about when you’re bright-eyed, riding the newlywed train. They are much harder to delve into when you’re attempting to bounce back from an affair. While you’re already making the bold choice to work on your marriage after the heartache you’ve experienced, give it that extra go and embrace vulnerability. Stay open to the connections that are looking to sync up again. Look to the future and the vision of your restored marriage. Be the couple that will come out of this on top. Three cheers to you for choosing faith over fear.
Image by Jen B. Peters