If you haven’t read my previous book teasers, please do so here and here so you are all caught up. As I’ve mentioned before, these snippets are brief glimpses into the story. They sometimes come from right in the middle of a chapter, so bear with me if you don’t feel the flow. This chapter is one I feel very passionately about. This chapter is my plea to men. More specifically men who are husbands and fathers of daughters. These men play are a huge role in the (hopeful) decrease of future homewreckers. Husbands and fathers, please take your job seriously. Let’s help this next generation of daughters glow with dignity and desire righteousness.
3. Homewreckers Need Fathers
“Much of my initial shock came with the disgusted confusion of what type of girl would do such a thing? This struck a real chord in me. I became very passionate about family structure and more specifically, men’s role in family. I also became very passionate about intentionally raising a daughter with enough self-respect to never touch a married man. John Mayer’s wonderland of a body says it all, ‘Fathers be good to your daughters, Daughters will love like you do.’
Disclaimer: I am not saying that ALL women who have poor relationships with their fathers will grow up to be homewreckers. I am saying that rarely has there ever been a girl to come after a married man (with an infant daughter, in my case) who had a secure relationship with her father and a strong marriage modeled by her parents. On the other hand, I know plenty of amazing women who didn’t have great fathers, beat the odds, and are incredible people today. The side I am arguing is based on my situation, my marriage, and my findings on why girls come after married men. Okay, rant done!
Men, if you have daughters, show them love and cherish them so their security won’t come from the wrong places. Don’t make them wonder how you feel about them or their mommy. Make it known. The obsession should be obnoxious.
James Dobson of Focus on the Family states, ‘Fathers have an incalculable impact on their daughters. Most psychologists believe, and I am one of them, that all future romantic relationships are influenced positively or negatively by the way a girl interacts with her dad in the childhood years. If that is true, then fathers should give careful thought to this responsibility and seek to be what their daughters need of them … A dad should always look for ways to build the self-confidence of his little girl. If she believes he thinks she is pretty and special, she will be inclined to see herself that way. He holds the key to her self-acceptance.’
When we found out we were having a daughter, BD and I had many conversations about why so many girls in our society today have such horrible ‘daddy issues.’ Having the affair hit so early in our marriage was pretty surprising (on many accounts), but mostly because of all we had talked about to protect our daughter from ever having to deal with such issues. BD and I always agreed that part of being a parent is taking on the role of showing your child how to develop healthy relationships. At our daughter’s baptism, the Deacon who baptized her (and married us) said, ‘The greatest gift you can give your daughter is a loving marriage.’ I will never forget this gem. Children crave the security of a stable and loving marriage …
A big part of keeping a marriage stable is protecting it! Marriage is susceptible to all sorts of crazy influences. Protecting your marriage in turn protects your children and their children. Poor decisions in a marriage do not just break up the union between a man and his wife, but the future generations that make up a family unit.
Regardless of if you have children, protecting your marriage is crucial in the world we live in. Always make it a point to protect and fight for your marriage against all else. As much as my perspective has a lot to do with men and their role in family, as to why homewreckers exist in the first place, it’s still a team effort to keep them away. Take precautions to make sure that each partner is satisfied with the state of the marriage, knowing full well, that you are dealing with two imperfect people living in one union …
One outstanding blog I came across during the trek to save my marriage was, Nitty Gritty Love and it just tells everything straight up. My favorite advice is blunt and practical, laced with humor (all of which I hope this book gives to you!). This is an excerpt from their post Follow Your Heart (and other bad ideas) … ‘There will be times you feel hopeless. You will even wonder if happiness is possible. You will be tempted to look for greener grass, but as we know, grass is greener where you water it. Your heart will encourage you to be self-serving and it will convince you that you need more. I hate to break it to you, but your heart is a filthy liar. My heart has been such a jerk to me, I just can’t rely on it anymore. ’The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately sick, who can understand it?’ Jeremiah 17:9. This refers to our will, thoughts, motivations and emotions. Verse 5 says, ‘Thus says Yahweh, ‘Cursed is the person who trusts in humankind and makes his flesh his strength, and turns aside his heart from Yahweh.’ When we turn away from God, and trust in our own intuition, we will hurt ourselves, and others. We have to remain faithful to our promises, knowing things will get better as we walk through together. Following our hearts sounds nice, until others around us want to follow theirs at our expense. If we all focus on simply what makes us feel good, there will be hurting people everywhere.’
This excerpt perfectly illustrates just what happens when we are not protecting our hearts from the maddening emotional experiences out there. Protect your marriage from deceptive feelings and the downward spiral of lies they tell you. Hold your marriage tight for dear life. There’s no other way to come out in one piece.”
Cover photo: Stacy Allen & Meg McClung